GoKshetra

19th Jan - I started a personal project of sorts. I collaborated with Sri Surabhi Gokshetra to start teaching kids about cultural and spiritual aspects of our scriptures.  It did have its bumpy moments but was able to proceed even with it. We are conducting our first summer camp this June. 

I did journal a little more than I blogged this past couple of months. This month's highlight was 1st place in Science Fair; cancellation of India trip; upcoming trip to Hawaii and retreat. I am also going to Laguna Beach this coming weekend. Oh, kids joined me on a Indie Tom Hike. 

13th Mar. Inference. Chess and Ludo. Thinking anything else is a waste of time. 

3rd day was crucial, something shifted to make me accept the situation and hence I started focusing on the process they wanted me to follow. I felt like that today. Not acceptance per se, but it felt like the beginning of acceptance. This is not going to change. This whole thing cannot accelerate or go away. This whole thing will sit, look at me in the eye and make me feel absolutely useless in the process. So if there is no way out, there is only one thing I can do. 

This is needed as part of cosmic dance. What worries me then? Is it that I will be alone or is it that I won’t have this one person? Or is it that I just need anyone around? 

Logic tells me I am not alone anyways. Sharanagati abhi hui nahi hai.

There is a sensation that comes back. It is a reaction to unfairness, to broken dreams, to not being seen. Unfortunately no one can ever fix that. It leaves a bitter, cold taste but adds strength and resolve to proceed without any regrets. It solidifies a cold demeanor further reminding us that warmth should always be saved for self. Neither missing the warm self, nor being fond of the cold self - it’s just a state maybe. Observing and letting it be. The sensations that wash over with the rare reminder are real. 

Shasta

I dialed down every other “sound”, “feeling”, “sensation” - literally like a dial. It became quiet as I focused on one tiny spot and I amplified it just how we zoom into a picture. I could feel it better; I could concentrate on it better! 

3rd Feb

44.

Past 2 months have had experiences go all over the place. I visited Braj bhoomi in December. I was able to be in the same room with someone I admire a lot. December also saw 2 camping trips - both turned out better than expected. https://www.cavesprings.com/ is highly recommended or rather the town of Dunsmuir is fun!

Jan was overwhelming. US politics, Mahakumbh, prices of eggs, Nvidia and Deepseek. But it also saw start of my teaching journey - let's where the universe is taking me with this. I was busy this month with work, home and projects. 

But I cannot shake this undertone of something being amiss. Why?

Normality

"We have normality. I repeat, we have normality. Anything you still can't cope with is therefore your own problem.”

— Douglas Adams

1.39

When we do not have something in our life, we are fine. It is after we have it, things change in us and it changes us. How to not be changed like that? How to be as before?

In absence of a vice, "happiness" does not exist in this world.