All consuming

I have been in a trance for past couple of weeks. It can be the aftermath of accepting a fact after such a long time of denial. The high lasted for a week and it was as crazy as the next week when reality hit the ground. Both the weeks have been a long, strenuous explanation to self about how things are and why they are.

Am I going crazy? This feels so weird - slow, silent and all consuming. Yet I am not agitated or angry. Very intense at times but not agitated. Sometimes I am very happy as if I have figured out a major truth, sometimes I get irritated by the slow motion in which this is progressing and sometimes I plain want to cry. But still no anger or agitation like ever felt before.

May be it is because I know that it was a lie. The words and vibes are not the same. I am confident it is a lie. 

Darcy vs Rhett

Something funny happened. This conversation around Darcy vs Rhett unexpectedly reached the same conclusion in my head at the same time my friend stated it in words. Even though I had never given it a serious thought in my life, I was floored by the realization. And her maturity.

And I understood myself in that brief minute.

#Destined

Ever know of something that seems superficial and fun to the mind? But it changes right in-front of your eyes as if layers of it are being peeled. And it turns out to be logical, ethical, sensible and circumstantial. And in pain. You are drawn to it intuitively with no possible explanation that can summarize the situation. May be the fact that you can see it clearly as if it is written in plain English at times and then not fathom it all because few words are not in English. It is scary and simple at the same time. It reflects your deepest dilemmas and purest ideals.

Acceptance can be the only form of explanation at this time. But so many things cannot be coming together randomly. There has to be a reason. And I do not want to take the simplest reason available because it is not true completely. Our connection matters.

I am in love with the future of this story: not the past. And present is debatable. But definitely the future - I can somehow see this transformation in front of my eyes. And since I can see it so clearly, I cannot turn away till I see the end of this.

#NotInMyControl #IsThisReal #DramaUnlikeOtherDramas
#AConnectionOfSorts #Unconditional #ForLife 

Hamilton

Why do you always say what you believe?

Why do you always say what you believe?

Every proclamation guarantees..

Free ammunition for your enemies. 

Obsessed with Hamilton and its songs. I am already in love with the characters and the storyline. Good thing that it is also a crash course in American history. 

#Hamilton #Burr #Angelica #Eliza

Words

Just visited some words from the past
Words that others had written
Oh the state of mind they reflect
I can still remember mine as I read them for the first time
I suffocate the memories till they are dead
And little by little they die with every passing year

It is self preservation
It is only what it can be
It is life.

composure

The recurring theme of composure being the sign of instability is proved once again. Someone we all know, who is so composed and focused that people are in awe, is grappling with her own ghosts. And they are as complicated and rigid as her stoic demeanor. So this does mean, that people who appear to be all over the place - know what they are exactly doing .