Worthy

When we see something so beautiful, our soul craves the sight of it over and over. Something so beautiful, aspires the soul to try to be worthy of that beauty. 

Future

Focus on the now and future can be altered.

Provide

How can one provide for others, when one is searching for things themselves?

Security

With evolution comes the understanding of self followed by understanding of others. As we understand ourselves a little better, we also learn to rise above some existing setup. Due to which we can clearly see the utility of every relationship in our life and it's exact place. All of it is there to teach us something. We just get entangled in the emotions and forget. It gets chaotic when we forget the macroscopic view.


When we rise together, we see that everything around us is perfect and for us. Security steps in with that understanding and when security is in place, we can act out of clarity and love.

Black and White

Black and White are not the opposites. They are the same - knowing one is knowing the other. The ideal state has no color. Hence the stable state wants to have no color. Presence of a color implies that, that very color is needed for the stable state to be achieved. As the spectrum that is reflected from a surface implies the rest are absorbed, similarly what we lack or do not understand is projected or reflected by us. Understanding and I mean true understanding of something cannot disturb or create any motion in self. This implies that anything that creates a motion and sway in self is what the self is looking for to become complete.

A surface that reflects white truly understands black. So what appears is not really it. It is the absence of it. What does not appear is what is truly understood because it does not sway the mind. It does not appear because it inherently understands and hence does not chase. 

In Sync

And it finally happened! 

Making it a lifestyle

We have a lot of people going through this fad of making diet and exercise as a way of life. Let me correct myself, fad has a negative connotation. We have a lot of people who are going through this phase of making diet and exercise as a way of life. And they successfully do it and the results can be seen too.

When will we start making spirituality as our way of life - make it our lifestyle where we live by the higher principles that can be invoked in every choice we make? 

Art does imitate life.

When the whole universe conspires to bring your life together and halt at a moment - idea, people, story, music, production & release - you should give some credit to the original script writer. I mean, how often can you catch someone's attention like this? One can do nothing but sit up and notice and marvel at the coincidences. How often do we see ourselves being played out on the theater screen?

Belief gets reinforced in those moments. So many of them.

26th July 2017

This song was released 2 years back and I spent the whole evening today with it. 

List

I made a pros and cons list.

I had made it once before.

The heart knows what it wants; the idea is to silence the mind. 

Ring

Universe conspires to get your greatest wish fulfilled. There was no way I could have found my thumb ring, given where it was. Yet I found it, magically after a 5-6 days of losing it! I am happy :)

"We dance round in a ring and suppose,

But the Secret sits in the middle and knows."
-Robert Frost 

Connecting the dots..

The space that someone needs for growth is full of acceptance and no judgement. It allows the individual to make choices and learn from those choices.

We have the answers within. Truth cannot be manipulated for perception. 

2015

My blog does not have a single entry for 2015! I observed this today. Yes, that was a crucial year :-)

To The Curious One...

What makes us pick up a book to read? Coincidence, destiny or pure universal plan? I'd call it your mind set at that time which can only carry out it's next steps based on everything that has happened before from your perspective. And everything that has happened before has been a part of a larger universal plan. Why would you get interested in a book or a subject if you were not supposed to somehow get involved with it? You can only get involved with something that you relate to or understand or want to understand. And that involvement will open next steps in terms of thoughts or actions. And then you'd like to share your thoughts and ideas with someone you know will benefit from it or appreciate it equally. That's how you are impacting someone else's life. That's how you can play your role as an enabler in someone else's plan. 

It's all connected. Every thought, every action and every thing that we do, affects people and the plan that universe has for them. So that is how I got my book. I got it because my enabler thought I had to absolutely read this. 

Intention and Self

I had written this note - https://bluejays-mockingbirds.blogspot.com/2017/06/intentions.html

I always understood this but the strongest proof came within 2 months or so of writing this post.

Know yourself.
Knowing yourself, you can understand your intentions.
Knowing your intention, you can make your choices.
And those choices result in actions leading to the aligned result.

The outcome has been decided at the intention level. If you do not know yourself - your intention, choices, actions and hence results will not align to you / your expectations. And just by this process we can create our present/future. We can predict the outcome, if we know the intention.

Knowing your own self is the highest pursuit. Finding and creating your own self gives the highest satisfaction.

Knowing our own-self, we know that higher force that connects all of us. 

Let there be Light...

When the soul is positive and vibrating at a higher frequency, it is like a room that has enough natural light and ventilation. It feels inviting, clean and calm. Similarly a close, cluttered, dirty room reflects a suppressed, dissatisfied soul.

Let there be light within and around you. Let there be freshness around you. Sweet smell, calming sounds and simple tasteful food.

Let your soul breath and revive after a long day. 

Vibration of love is the strongest. 

He is the apotheosis of love. 

Dark

This is true. 

Lackluster

I was feeling lackluster today, whole day - in flux, in turmoil. I figured out the best and worst case scenarios and visualized each of them in isolation. I tried looking at the bright side of them but ended up being equally irritated with each of them. Each path required me to introspect and give up something for the other. I vocalized how I felt and it is always a good to talk my heart to this inseparable part of me. 

Embrace Who You Are - Part 2

Refer Part 1: https://bluejays-mockingbirds.blogspot.com/2019/07/refer-httpsbluejays-mockingbirds.html

Recently I visited India on a trip and that was something. I mean I already expected lots of unsolicited advice from people - just that I did not expect it from lady security guard at work, my brother's cook, my mother's cleaning lady and massage lady. By now, family had settled to the idea but folks associated otherwise were still curious. I even got to know about someone who had decided to quit coloring only to go back to coloring under pressure from family - it made me mad! I mean not the decision per se but the amount of importance associated with this simple act and what it makes women feel in their day to day life. Every parlor that I stepped into during my duration assumed I was there for a color appointment or they suggested some coloring options that I politely declined. I remember telling a hairdresser that I do not want to color my hair because I do not want to look "nice". And then I smiled because the look of shock on her face was so genuine and so real that I could totally get her shock. She repeated my words and went about the regular trimming. 

It's not that I did not have my days and moments of doubts. I felt like quitting because I could see that it was impossible to get through to some folks and that they would never get my perspective especially elders, whose acceptance I was wanted. At times I did buy into the narrative that I was really not looking nice. Yet other times, I did not want to deal with answering the same questions or discussing the same topic with folks and it just seemed easier to meet them as they would have remembered me. But speaking to like minded people helped. It really helped because it reminded me how pressure of being liked can actually make us align and change our decisions - a little every-time. This was not at all a big ticket item, but this showed how making any different choice, how ever small, could create a stir in an otherwise calm space that I call mine. It's easier to blend in than to just stand for what one believes or wants to do most of the times. 

And so far, I have not even touched upon the most controversial topic associated with this episode - one that I had not even foreseen. It was men with gray hair. Surprise, surprise! Seriously it was no surprise to anyone but me - but the treatment that men who decided to go natural was exact opposite of mine. I mean I had read about it during my research on the topic but I got real hand experience at two instances. One friend, who had decided to go natural recalls his hair hairdresser suggesting hair color once and that was the end of topic. The other one is a relative who was not even once suggested by anyone to color his hair in a huge family gathering! Shocking, isn't it? Male privilege and importance of looks in men was never so apparent to me. The amount of pressure women put themselves in to meet a certain specific standard - in this case color of hair - is not even a discussion point in men. Of course, I know men who'd not go natural if they can avoid it but that's not the point. The decision whether they color or not color their hair is hardly ever a topic of discussion or attracts attention to the extent it does for women. 
  
This small experiment in my life has yielded so many perspectives in past months that I cannot go back to unsee some of this. I get personal choice and I get personal decisions but what I cannot get is the reaction of folks on the same choice when it comes to men and women. And if we look closely, this is true for any topic where women/men make a choice. 
  
Anyhow, how do I feel right now? Personally relieved - I have gone for ten odd months - without worried about the whole circus of coloring and styling my hair in a certain way. I worry less these days about how am I being perceived in a group of people. I feel a little more sure about my choices and being myself. Though I am upset with the treatment of women on their looks in general - the prettiest ones I know - worry and feel a certain way about how they look. And I really would like to live in world where women are more confidant in just being their flawed, human self. 
  
And what has been the icing on the cake? Recently my daughter saw someone in the family coloring to cover up the grays. She came up to me privately and asked me why is she so bothered about her gray hair when you don't care. This shouldn't be an issue at all, right? I smiled and reminded her that it was still a personal choice though she is right - it is not an issue at all. I think she has got it this time.

Embrace Who You Are - Part 1

Refer: https://bluejays-mockingbirds.blogspot.com/2018/08/short-and-gray.html 


In August 2018, in a fit of emotional turmoil, I missed my hair appointment two times in a row. Initially I did not think much about it but my gray roots had started showing and my general instinct was to go color! But I decided against it. I decided to stop coloring my hair. And I am writing this blog to commemorate that moment - all because I never thought back then that it was going to be such a huge deal. 

I had premature gray hair since childhood, a genetic aberration in our family from maternal side and I got my first gray hair when I was in ninth grade. I use to apply henna for a while and switched to color in 2008. By 2018, I had been coloring my hair for ten years straight. I experimented with highlights, colors and made a very good friend out of my hairdresser Le - no really, she and I connect and talk on everything from politics to relationships, families, travel, hobbies and kids! 
It may have seemed a sudden decision to folks around me but I had contemplated going natural in the past. I mean, I knew that I would quit coloring my hair when I would turn forty. I had even discussed this with a friend in early part of 2018 itself but did not act on it. Anyways long story short, I did it in August 2018. From my previous discussion with my hairdresser I knew, she wasn't going to listen or support it much so I went to a different parlor this time. This was a male hair dresser and I explained to him that I want to go natural with short hair. He explained that it would take me 6 months to a year depending on my hair growth. And that was that. I did it.
 
I came home and as expected there were reactions. My husband asked me if I was sure of what I was doing because this would be something. I said yes, I think I knew what I was doing. The good thing about the conversation with him was that he took a day to adjust to this. The problem came from an angle I did not expect. My daughter who was 7 years old then, hated my short hair and the fact that I did not want my hair a certain way. It was then I realized that appearances was something that I had not discussed in detail with her. In her small life, she had seen women "look" a certain way, in fact she had not seen a single woman her mom's age with gray hair. She associated gray hair with old ladies and grandmother of other kids. So I had to sit her down and explain that coloring was done at times for style and sometimes to cover up gray hair since folks as they grow old, get gray hair. But in my case, due to a genetic issue, I had gray hair much earlier than others. I had it when I was fifteen. Since it was not common for girls or boys of that age have gray hair, I had started covering up my roots even since then and I continued all these years. And now I did not want to do it. It's a choice that anyone can make, any time and for any reason - mine was that it took a lot of work/time and it made my hair look and feel a certain way, when it was not colored. I felt like a fake and did not want to project an image just for the sake of doing it. People can have any reason to quit coloring and that was that. She heard me out and was not convinced. She did not have a single friend whose mom had gray hair and that was an issue for her. So I had to mention this to her that most women my age color their hair - if some of her friend's moms stopped coloring, they'd have gray hairs too - some more than the other, that's all. This was new information to her and she went quiet. Or let's say, she took a week or so to assimilate this information. 
 
Later that week, I found a picture that she drew of me with short, white hair that said "my mom wants short, white hair and it is OK". I got to know how much my decision had impacted her. My resolution became stronger - she needed to see an example of a person who is comfortable in her appearance and does not let it define her. I showed her pictures of famous female personalities who flaunt their grays, female personalities who color their hair gray for style and even female personalities who had gone bald at different point of their lives. I showed her pictures of female models with different hair styles - not your typical every glowing hair in place kinds - but every other type that there can be. These were all famous and glamorous woman that rocked the look that they had with an internal confidence that defined their look much more than their hair alone could. She was a bit more comfortable to know that her perception of how a typical female should look like was limited and drawn from images that she sees on TV, advertisements and our acquaintances, family and friends. She bought the idea. Good thing about kids is that they are open to new ideas and if logically explained, they do try to understand. 
 
Soon after flurry of queries started - some on the face and straightforward, some subtle and suggestive - from all the adults in my life. Family, friends, colleagues, acquaintances - I expected most of it. Many reasons were cited - from depression to mid-life crisis to not thought-through decision and it was surprising that no one thought that time and effort wasted in regular coloring could be THE most valid reason for my decision. No one. Even the folks who regularly colored their hair, they'd agree with it but could not reason why it should be the only reason for anyone to stop coloring. Another reason that was cited every time in the defense of coloring was that it made me look old and obviously not as appealing. Since I was expecting most of it, I did not think about it much. Though in the process, many folks opened up about their coloring experience and frankly to each their own. I never had the intention of convincing anyone about my choice or their choices in life and everyone being an adult got it sooner or later. 
 
What I did not expect in some of these discussions was how some could relate and were open enough to share their thoughts on it. It started some serious, though provoking discussions with liked minded people about how to look a certain way pressurizes people to do things that they may have never thought about as an option. I did get some compliments on the way - someone who said, looking at me, she'd want to never color her hair when she gets her grays. Another lady who walked up to me at a party and told me to my face that I look pretty with my grays and this was something she kept wanting to do but was not sure how to go about it. I had to tell her something that I had personally realized after looking at my face in the mirror - my face was still my age and my eyes were still my eyes - the attitude with which I went about actually defined how people perceived me. This was nothing new - we all know this but it's only when we are ready to shed the safety of the obvious that this realization sinks in truly. I could speak from experience and it was not some second-hand input. A close friend said that what I did was daring and that itself started a conversation on how a small decision like this can be termed "daring" in our society - it does reflect some aspect of the society we live in. But one thing was sure, it made me like the people I currently hang out with - they all got it - eventually. 

Oh by the way, I did go back to my hairdresser just after a month and even though she was shocked, she accepted me back in her fold, full of vigor to make the most of the style I could potentially rock to ideas about making this work in the long term. That's what I love about her and I laughed because we were instantly back on our discussion on latest spiritual pursuits to havoc kids were wrecking in our lives - she has teenagers and I have so much to learn from her!  

Compass

Folks hardly follow their inner compass. They go to great lengths to avoid the struggle it presents - a conflict of outer-world and inner-world. The social set up is forged and reforged on the abandonment of anything that pertains to silence. 

Blur

This is a blur. This is happening so fast. This needs to happen. 

Friday I am in Love

I don't care if Monday's blue

Tuesday's gray and Wednesday too
Thursday I don't care about you
It's Friday I'm in love

#thuglife #darkroom #glasswindows #lavendar

flux

I posted last in March. We are in May and life is so different suddenly. Everything we've known is in flux.

Is she the one?

Arthur Dent : Just wait a sodding minute! You want a question that goes with the answer for 42? Well, how about what's six times seven? Or how many Vogons does it take to change a lightbulb?Here's one! How many roads must a man walk down?

Lunkwill : Hey, that's not bad!

Arthur Dent : Fine. Fine, take it. Because my head is filled with questions and I can assure you no answer to any one of them has ever brought me one iota of happiness. Except for one. The one. The only question I've ever wanted an answer to - is she the one? The answer bloody well isn't forty-two, it's yes. Undoubtedly, unequivocally, unabashedly yes. And for one week, one week in my sad little blip of an existence, it made me happy.

Trillian : That's a good answer...

Lunkwill : Rubbish, we don't want to be happy, we want to be famous!

Fook : Yeah! What is all this "is she the one" tripe?

Lunkwill : Take his brain!

:)

Found them interesting and true :)

“Perhaps one did not want to be loved so much as to be understood.”

― George Orwell, 1984

“Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.”

― George Carlin, When Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops?

Truth

“The truth." Dumbledore sighed. "It is a beautiful and terrible thing, and should therefore be treated with great caution.”

― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

“The truth is rarely pure and never simple.”

― Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest

“Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it.”

― Mark Twain

“When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants and murderers, and for a time, they can seem invincible, but in the end, they always fall. Think of it--always.”

― Mahatma Gandhi

“Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.”

― Aldous Huxley, Complete Essays 2, 1926-29

“Above all, don't lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and for others. And having no respect he ceases to love.”

― Fyodor Dostoevsky, The Brothers Karamazov

“In a time of deceit telling the truth is a revolutionary act.”

― George Orwell

“Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing ever happened.”

― Winston S. Churchill

“Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn't.”

― Mark Twain, Following the Equator: A Journey Around the World

“The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it.”

― Flannery O'Connor

“Nature never deceives us; it is we who deceive ourselves.”

― Jean-Jacques Rousseau

“Truth is its own reward.”

― Plato

“They deem him their worst enemy who tells them the truth.”

― Plato

“If any man seeks for greatness, let him forget greatness and ask for truth, and he will find both.”

― Horace Mann

“It takes two to speak truth -- one to speak, and another to hear.”

― Henry David Thoreau

Normal

Mind-boggling - how many things folks continue to consider normal and expected in a day to day life. I can see how it makes sense to keep the social set up intact but I can also see how far we go to lie to ourselves. 

Soul Food

We've heard about it or read about it or seen it depicted on silver screen but very few of us have experienced it - the form of companionship that transcends space, time and lifetimes. It is when we are ourselves and are accepted, no compromises or adjustments. It is like you are half a puzzle and then you find the other half of the puzzle which puts the puzzle in perspective and makes it complete at the same time.

It is felt in the depth of the soul for that is where this friendship resides. It is never in a hurry and yet it arrives just in time. It does not feel overbearing and never drives an agenda. It understands in a statement or less. It is so simple that it borders imaginary yet the complexity is mind-boggling. It radiates positivity. It cannot exist in filth or intentions of another kind. 

It does exist. 

It does exist

But to achieve that, one needs to be a worthy recipient. 

Karmanye Vadhikaraste

There comes a time where we decide to leave the decision to an external force. What remains of the process is limited to monitor progress one day at a time. Do what you can and leave the rest.

As Tao mentions, can you be patient till the right action emerges on its own. 

Restless

So many things to do and so less time! Last year in the hindsight was good. I made progress. I made progress that I am proud of. I had fun and I learnt. Learning for me is fun. And no topic is out of bounds. This year the list has to be made and items crossed out.

#persistence

February!

The month of February is magical. It's short, sweet and full of love. And it happens to contain my birthday! For a couple of years now, my birthday celebrations start on 1st Feb and continue very much till 3rd Feb. I am getting used to so much hoopla around these days..I love all the attention these days get..and this pretty much continues till mid Feb with birthdays of other family members and valentine's day.

Birthdays are always fun! This year was so much fun too! 

Bandersnatch

Bandersnatch, that crazy original from Netflix that I did not want to watch because the minute I understood the concept I knew it's going to be painful going through the flows. And twitter is extra helpful in such situations. I practically did not have to move through 1-2 flows, 2 choices down each one of them to know where was this going. Anyhow, I discussed the concept in great detail with my BFF and the co-relation to life was apparent.

Concept of choice both at macro/micro level can be understood. Micro-level choices depend on action in that moment, based on all the information available till that point. Macro-level choices are made already by the script and memory can help us avoid the choices we deem poor or unwise. But really that cannot be understood till a choice is made and that knowledge can only serve us in the hindsight. One should have patience to go through every flow to get to every ending to say that they have watched Bandersnatch completely. That's when the TV/device can be switched off.

Oh and then did I get blown away by @aoc's debates on AI, not because she said something unique because the hoopla around it made me focus on a hypothesis which was hiding in the plain sight for me. Who else do we know, who learns from their experience to produce a perspective/result?

Choice

What we choose over and over again, chooses us.

If we decide to choose money over anything else, every time - we will eventually get rich but we may lose other things that we decided to ignore.

If we decide to choose true love over anything else, every time - we will eventually find true love at the cost of a lot of things.

If we decide to choose worldly (external) success over anything else, every time - we will eventually find all the worldly (external) success bestowed on us, at the cost of internal success.

If we decide to choose knowledge over anything else, every time - we will eventually find all the knowledge there is but we will pay the price of that knowledge.

If we decide to choose God over anything else, every time - we will eventually find God though the world may declare us mad.

The point is that making that choice makes us so happy that we DO NOT CARE. Others CANNOT judge anyone who pursues pure happiness since we all are looking for that heightened state of HAPPINESS / PURE BLISS.

But all of this is driven by TRUE and absolutely PURE DESIRE to achieve that end goal and making SACRIFICES that it takes in being true to our goal.

Do we know what we want so that we can choose it every time?

From Trashy to Classy

The path to get out is in the mind and it takes the long route. It crosses all the stages and experiences each level to get to the next level. In any given path, when we unlock these levels, we learn, we progress and we achieve. The point IS to feel every aspect fully and get done with that aspect so that it cannot touch us. This doesn't mean the stages won't exist any more - it means they will exist and we can recognize them, read them and see them for what they are. And we can be at peace knowing for things that they are. It cannot touch our peace.

That is true liberation. 

Word Generator

I got quiet, friendship and acknowledge in my random word generator. All these I agree and accept!

And I choose joy and adventure and fun!

Looking forward to 2019!

San Francisco

San Francisco is my muse. Ever since I landed on this continent 12 years back, the only place I gush about even though I stay so close to it. It is probably because I never get enough time with it. It entertains me with its ever changing mood and ambiance. How pretty it looked draped in rain and fog!

Year 2019

I ushered the new year dancing! The evening didn't start as expected but it ended better than I thought it would. So as they say, always show up in life.. it was one of those lessons reiterated.

New year started ok - getting back to work was the hardest part. No resolutions as usual. But want to get a couple of things going. Tomorrow is always another day!