Short and Gray

I embraced my grays. Last week to be precise. I was pondering over it since May. And then I missed my appointment for 2 weeks in a row (it had to do with my emotional state) and then I just had to. It is so empowering to just be. It was I who colored back in 2008 and it was I who won't in 2018. I had proclaimed backed in 2012-2013 that I was to go natural in my 40s. But I had not given it a thought till this year May. Denver made me realize how good it feels to be just me. And I still have 3 years to be 40.

I decided to change my parlors and I did. I will miss Le but I will visit her more as a friend now. Every now and then with small requests, appointments and such. But we are done as client and hairdresser.

#embracewhoyouare

Love and Love

Ah to be in love and to be loved! It is intoxicating as much as it is a test. It tests the character and it brings out the worst.

In adulation lies downfall. In worship lies destruction. In belonging lies abandonment.

All at once.  

Stupor

So there are these women I see around me. Actually I can say about all of them I have ever known. I cannot truly say that they know - they've been conditioned and their state has been normalized. They all were born with that spark in their eyes, that spark that dulled as they grew old. Realization of how their aspirations to be unique were trampled, diverted, protected and killed - dimmed that spark in their eyes. You can see that in their photographs - old and new. They seem to be in stupor, hypnotized - trying to wriggle and struggle once in a while but sedated again by the comfort of the known or knowing that this is all they have.

The most vibrant of ones, the most gullible of ones, ones who thought they were rebels, even the ones who said they belong - all of them: stupefied. And the funny bit it that they know and they promote the benefits of the stupor.

They have forgotten that they are divine. They cannot imagine that they are magical. They cannot believe that they are indeed, who once they thought, they were. 

feminist

Never in my lifetime I have called myself a feminist. I did not understand the concept - truly I mean. So in order to be something, we need to experience what it takes or is. Without experiencing and knowing, how can one convincingly be anything?

Seek yourself

What we seek is also seeking us. That’s true.

We also soon realize that what we were seeking was also always in us. Because to look for something specific we need to know what those specifications are. Those unique specifications can be provided by only us. How do we know what to look for? But we are conditioned to look outside and tour the entire world to come to the truth as simple as this.

It is beautiful to fall in love with a person’s being. Not their phases, aspects or parts. It is beautiful to  paint this picture of love in the canvas of life - because a love so great can only be held in a canvas so great. One would need to see the entire lifetime in a snapshot to see the beautiful picture it paints.

Be that example that you want to follow. That’s the way to find that love. That’s also the way to fall in love - with yourself.

Seek yourself. In seeking that you’ll arrive at that love story. 

Fraud

I feel like a fraud. Most of the days. I wish I could silence my mind. Yet this space makes me see who I really am. Most human and fragile and pathetic at times. We all are.

We use our big words and big intellect to make ourselves believe the most. Yet we know. We don’t acknowledge it enough. None of us do. 

Shouldn’t we be silent and just be silent. The words just don’t do justice. They are too fraudulent.