The Seeker

What we seek, comes to us.

What we need is given to us.

What we should want is the brain to see this & not oppose it.

Why do I say this? Because I am surrounded by people who are giving everything to me - they do not know it but they are doing it. It is as if, someone knows what I am looking for & then just presenting it to me. So many people who surround me - friends, neighbors, colleagues, acquaintances, family - they help me to get my answers...sometime they show me, sometimes they lack it, sometimes they say it, sometimes they do it & most of the time, when they open up to me.

I seek people to understand life. I seek stories to find a pattern. I seek instances that make knowing each one of them worth my time.

And they all do it. Knowingly / unknowingly. I am not forcing them. I am not forcing me. I am not using them - they are not using me. It is just happening. And that is just amazing!

This is true for all of us. 

Frank..

Oh Frank, did I tell you about Frank? The one who could make dull moments magical? The one who could turn every phrase into something silly, something smart, something so clever that you had to laugh! Oh Frank, who could look vulnerable but had a mind that could bend spoons. Frank and Aladdin had one thing in common - they both could show you the world...shining, shimmering, splendid....!

Rant...

I should be doing something else right now but here I am blogging! This is end of 2016 & my blogging habits have gone down a lot (no time... no spare time... did I say no time...oh ya, where is the time...).

Yet here I am. It is either going to be a very dull day or a very interesting day. In both cases I am feeling a bit demotivated. Or a bit checked.

Crazy crazy day...I would like to get back to a Saturday morning in office in 2005 with music & all the spare time...

simple life truth...

So every time I am driving I have these amazing thought process going which evaporates the minute I park my car (at office or home). I just cannot remember what was so profound that I had felt the need to pen things down. So I decided to record a thought while driving so that I could recall the process & maybe then jot it down.

Oh the folly! Recorded thought seems so simple and so boring that I did not have a heart to do anything with it. But the point is, I know the experience that led me to that thought & with all the twists & turn it ended in a very simple discovery.

Another simple life truth...

Dreams..

Woke up today with a feeling of happiness & loss - at the same time. In my dreams, my subconscious mind plays perfect scenarios - where everything is in place, everyone says the right things, even my hair is perfect!

In some parallel world, I will always cherish the friendship of souls & will get to be with everyone the way I would have liked :)

The Mommy Avatar

Oh the days that go by being a mom!

School, after-school care, evening activities, weekend activities and play dates!

Where the hell do we create time for our passions when passion to create a person takes over...

It is spiritual and humbling, all at the same time. To see a little person grow in intellect is the biggest wonder ever...

Visiting Past

Rediscovery of self needs solitude or a sense of being alone in the crowd. While the first springs out of calmness, the other springs out of chaos. I thrive in chaos, I am propelled by the touch of madness that comes from a disatisfaction of being. People, places and things from past reminded me once more what I had been and what I have to be.

It was pleasant and unpleasant at the same time, being in close proximity of things that were part of my life. Every little thing reminded me of how I had felt around them. A sense of loss and longing was continuously filling me with wonder. I never had valued things enough to ever think that I could feel this way.

Yet, it was fun. A kind of cleansing happened in the process. I can still laugh at things and that matters! 

Erich Segal

I revisited two books by Erich Segal - Doctors & Acts of Faith. While they certainly could not match his Man Woman & Child or Love Story, I liked both these books as a teenager because of its elaborate details on the life of medical students & life led as a Jewish or Christian kid.

The characters symbolized for me love of a format that was more valuable than the first surge of hormones or just plain boy meets girl. The love described in both had innocence yet complete awareness of each other as people first. While Tim & Deborah were separated in faith though similar in ambitions, Barney & Laura were similar in profession yet separated by their platonic friendship. Hence each of them had their reason to maintain their relationship as they did.

Reading these books after a very long time, I realize that they were just OK books but I had my reason to like them enough to remember them.

I do not feel the same about his book Prizes. Though the track of Jerry & Isabel had captured my imagination.

Looks like I did go on a buying spree after reading Man, Woman & Child - my personal favorite. Liked it better than Love Story. 

Wait

We are destined to bear the wait for that very thing that will define us.

Each lesson came just when we were ready to learn it.

Never it happened before its time, and that alone keeps me going...

Change

Oh the changes that come about in people, places and things! It is interesting to see that those changes are actually in me. And I am looking at them with new pair of eyes. Will never know if it is as I see it now or is really as I saw it once!

Dull Day

And the rains won't stop, making this day one of the dullest one possible. Yet the interesting bit in this day is the fact that it is a dull day that I will remember for a while. 

Simoquin and Meluha

So The Meluha could not stir the emotions in me, I thought it would. Rather it turned out to be a germ of an idea, elaborated as an after thought, meticulously incorporating everything that could further the story.

But Simoquin on the other hand, is a new language itself. It is like being drawn into a magical world effortlessly, praising every turn of phrase or clever use of a known factoid. And the best things is, I know it is being done knowingly, yet I want to praise the author for weaving everything so well together that it results in a new form of expression. But that is most of the time expected of a Bengali.And this one has my respect for inventing a unique way of story telling, even though everything seems so known. 

Music

Music is most easily associated with time. As a memory it serves better because it creates almost the same ambience, sound wise.

Let go..

Oh! If there comes a day where heart does not feel a drop of affection for someone in spite of recalling days gone by, there is no point in remaining friends. 

After all everything changes after sometime. People, the most.

And I do not believe in maintaining statuses and appearances. I maintain that with aquaintences. Folks who were once close to heart have to be let go, that seems the most fake relationship otherwise.

Life

Fall in love, fall out of love, get your heart broken, marry, do not marry, have kids, love your work, leave your work, do good work, do junk work, make friends, make new friends, fight your fights, make up after fights, travel as much as you can, read good books, watch good movies, observe people, be vulnerable, be courageous, be a coward, be scared, see the lows, smell the highs, celebrate victories, cry on losses, be left out, blend in, do the in-thing, do not do the in-thing, be embarrassed, be confident, lie, cheat, do not lie, do not cheat, be yourself, be somebody else, impress, do not impress, change yourself, do not change yourself....

Experience as much as you can in this life. It is already a limited edition. 

I am consumed by the need to create a space that defines me & provides me the solace I need from everything.

#SmallLifeGoals 

Moment

The timing was always off but they were being primed for a moment in future. They cannot say what will it be or how it will be but that moment is asking them to grow up accordingly. What if they both started at different points and leveled out in their journeys, only to meet in that moment.

Or not.

Only time will tell.

In love with myself...

I recently experienced a day which was unlike any of my recent days. It consisted in taking a day off to be on my own for no rhyme or reason. It was the best day that I spent with myself - the kind where I just traveled to see a place. No rush, no commitments but an open day to choose what ever came my way.

Every time I am in such a situation - I feel as if I am out of the system. It feels as if folks around me are the continuous fabric of a story and I am observing it from outside. 

On such days I do things I would normally not do.

And I fall in love with me on such days.

Blocked!

I am experiencing the worst form of torture, clad as a bout of common cold, that insists that my nose should be blocked at crucial hours.

What could be the most crucial time in a week? Sunday night, past midnight - officially Monday morning - those last sweet hours of freedom before crack of dawn.

Blocked nose demands that I should not sleep and give it company. My head is propped on three pillows trying to help my nasal tract to relax and breath. Yet no sign of relief. My eyes are half closed, trying to form the words in the keypad of my iPhone. And the nagging voice at the back of my head screaming that my morning is pretty much ruined at this point now. How will I make it to the night tomorrow? 

No sleep. Cannot sleep. 

I wish I could be free.

Anam Cara

Friendship born in a previous life

drops pretenses as days go by

It nurtures soul and nourishes life

It does not try to judge at some point 

My anam cara