There is a sensation that comes back. It is a reaction to unfairness, to broken dreams, to not being seen. Unfortunately no one can ever fix that. It leaves a bitter, cold taste but adds strength and resolve to proceed without any regrets. It solidifies a cold demeanor further reminding us that warmth should always be saved for self. Neither missing the warm self, nor being fond of the cold self - it’s just a state maybe. Observing and letting it be. The sensations that wash over with the rare reminder are real. 

Shasta

I dialed down every other “sound”, “feeling”, “sensation” - literally like a dial. It became quiet as I focused on one tiny spot and I amplified it just how we zoom into a picture. I could feel it better; I could concentrate on it better! 

Urgency?

Why is there this urgency to push my boundaries? What is this unsettling feeling I get from time to time? Am I wasting time? Or am I being prepared? No clue.  

Pain

1. Trust the process

2. It is by design - imagine a conveyer belt

3. Sit through the process and pain - moving will disrupt the process and pain will shift elsewhere. It may look that the pain has been relived but it will settle elsewhere and the whole process will start again. It’s painful every way.

4. The pain will becoming soothing after a bit - it’s a sinusoidal wave - it does become better if we have the patience to follow the process by all design principles.

5. Pain is a teacher. 

6. Pain helps to focus and get attention.

7. Pain is more helpful overall.

8. It diminishes ego. 

9. In the absence of ego the true process can start. 

10. The process is designed to move from gross to subtle sensations.

11. We want the subtle sensations since they are at higher frequencies.

12. Higher frequencies tend to zero. 

13. At some point the bliss starts taking over such that the sensations don’t matter as much and hence right action can be performed. 

14. The bliss keeps you preoccupied and is a happy state of its own - only because it’s like a high and the mind can come up with out of the box ideas. 

15. Shifting the focus changes the state of being. 

16. We become all powerful and come closer to the essence 

Sitting

As I sat, I felt as a blob of pain. Like a whole blob that is sitting on that mat. I moved and the pain was relieved for a bit. But it started again - as it shifted. It started again from zero. What would have happened if the movement had not happened? I know that - I have done that before. 

What if the energy ray can shine when it is absolutely still? If it moves, its shine dims. What if the stillness is needed to shine. 

So grow where you are planted. "महलों में रखें चाहे झोपड़े में वास दे...". Live through what has to be. Sit Still. 

Level Up

Why did we forget ourselves and? Why do we have to remember?

We have to remember who we are at all times so that we can be the single ray of consciousness that we are. The calm face that I saw is our identity or rather the essence of that figure is our identity. The further away we are from that center, the more comical we look. If we remember who we are, we will never act silly because being that requires absolute integrity on principles and being a true human. While we are totally aware, we can "pretend" to be silly just for fun, but we cannot "be" silly. If we remember this at all times, we can get to the next level where everyone abides by the eternal laws at all times and can see cosmic dance for what it is. What happens from there? A says this group then evolves to understand the mass consciousness and proceeds from there to get to the next level. When does this leveling up stops?

Meeting

If there were two things that had to meet at the present moment - those things have to be ready for each other. If they are really destined to meet, they will avoid each other absolutely till they are ready to meet. These things could be people or events. They will engage with literally anything at all but each other. This is true for everything. If we see time as a continuous straight line, these two items are rivulets that take their pre-determined path to intersect at the common place at the right time. They cut their teeth on everything around to prepare for this meeting - they meander till they face each other and then they meet. 

Silent in the moment

The intention needs to be set up, whenever we have to get into a cosmic dance with another. Any activity requires it. During the entire interaction, the others show who they are and if both are flowing in the moment, every movement is responded to as required. If we are not in the moment, we fail to notice the specific need and we straight get to the last step or anticipated need making the process not as pleasurable. Silence helps to listen and focus on what is needed in the moment.  

When I speak up or think ahead, I interfere with the dance, I break the character. I get pulled out of the moment and appear as a cartoon character who is just parroting what should be said as per the set up. By doing this we get distracted more and we break the process further. The cosmic dance does not require us to know the next step but flowing and playing with it, we create a pleasant and just needed experience which is lacking nothing. Interestingly it is always what is wanted by the system and everyone benefits with this. When the participants are not in the moment, everyone is distracted and it further distracts everyone and the cosmic play starts to lose the fun - hence we all need to be silent. The mirroring happens during silence and the responses are better - even if the other person is caught by surprise. 

Once we are in the moment, with our silence we can hear better, participate better and respond exactly to the need. It is by going with the flow, is that I know what is needed next - not by thinking about it. And this is extended to everyone we interact with implying that intention needs to be set all over. Its all about knowing and reading the other person better so that they can know you better. Honesty is needed so we can respond to what is needed; otherwise we respond to something that's not the truth and hence spoil the process further. 

How are we so programmed? Did we do this as a shortcut?

Barbie

• Matriarchy and Patriarchy  
• I remember walking in a conference room, talking to my friend over a phone call and as I usually do, talking my thoughts out loud. I remember flipping the scenarios and accepting that it would be as disastrous in a Matriarchy. It would make women behave like men. They would treat men as stallions for work and pleasure (just as men treat women). It would again be a world that would not work out since no one likes to be treated like that. 
• I saw this depicted in Barbie-land, though it did not come close to the crassness with which men could be treated in the world I had imagined.  
• So I had concluded that a perfect world would require perfect equality and mutual respect for everyone. And that requires being a nice human first - as the movie calls out, it starts with knowing who one is without everything else in the picture. That is step number 1.
• Plight of women
• The day I decided to end things, that evening I had cried with such strong emotions trying to articulate how women are treated - how I was treated and how every other women I knew was treated. Most of the time women have no where to go because the do not know how to leave the only world they know. I had physically ached explaining how disgusting it was for men to treat women so poorly when no one deserves to be treated like that. Interestingly the cases I was thinking about back then where not even close to the cruelty with which men actually treat women. Somehow those simple instances were enough to make my blood boil - anymore than that would have invoked violence in me. It had played as a propellent for me to decide that evening. And his shocked face was pure gold - because I knew he could not comprehend a single word I said - as I had not in all these past years of my life. 
• It arrived as America Ferrera's monologue though yet again it was just barely touching the surface of phenomenon women actually experience in man's world. And even this much hit so hard because it was being delivered in a room full of women in the movie and the audience was shocked - I know this because I saw this movie two times and both times there was pin drop uncomfortable silence in the theater. In that moment, everyone was listening. 

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Barbie is an important movie of this age. 

Romance and Sexuality

The text book meaning of Romance is "excitement associated with love and all the expressions that come with it". The way I understand this is - if love is made up of intellectual, spiritual and physical connection, Romance is the intellectual and spiritual aspect of it. I put the physical aspect under Sexuality and it could be as innocent as holding hands to the most physical act of love making. 

Romance can stand alone and so can Sexuality but while romance on its own can be handled by almost everyone, sexuality on its own can be handled only by very evolved beings. This is because sexuality on its own erupts the very fabrication of self in contrast with social conditioning and its repercussions can be seen. It can be extremely life altering and requires a lot of maturity to just get through with the way things are perceived to be. The end result is usually complete obliteration of self, if and only if, someone can go through it without losing their mind first. So it's difficult to understand and should never be tried casually. 

Romance on its own can be that self-altering only if the individual takes it that seriously. The problem with romance on its own is that the chances of its fizzling before it can become self-altering is real. Since physicality persists but anything that is of mind and spirit cannot be seen and hence chances are can be dismissed by most people as something simpler. The repercussions are less obvious so the pain is proportionate to the individual's sensitivity and awareness. 

Both are painful but while in romance pain is proportionate to the individual's sensitivity and awareness, sexuality becomes painful by social conditioning and repercussions that come with it. Both can be lessons - just like anything else - only if the individual is willing to learn from it. Actually romance or sexuality are all pathways or means to get to the same goal - unconditional love. But just like every other pathway, it depends on how much truth and introspection one can bring to the process. The results differ and so does the elegance associated with these paths solely based on that self awareness. 

Travel

I came across this real on Instagram - Aurora

I did not know who she was - Norwegian musician, songwriter and singer - Aurora Aksnes. I like the way she talks. She reminded me of what I had written long back on Quora nine years ago - Why do we love to travel

"Traveling is the best way to discover ourselves. Whenever we travel we are not bound by the daily trivialities of leading a life of routine, of knowns. We open ourselves to possibilities and places that are new to us. We focus on just the travel - the present - free of past or future. The duration between the starting point and destination is free of our own complications and our conditioned mind. That is why it brings the best in us, everyone around us and every place we visit. And we love that feeling - we love to travel."

The only thing I'd want to add here is that as a traveler, one becomes an observer. Observer of humanity and observer of self - the awareness it brings in self is the reason why we all love to travel. It speaks to us - those moments where we are open to feeling and embracing the unknown. 

I love to travel. 

How can I serve?

You can move from a group to another group - any group you want. Every group has a "persona" just like we have one in product management and all of those personas are equally interesting and boring depending on what you already know. To me it all seems boring and noisy and lip-service after a point. They look interesting from outside, they are all the same from inside. So depending on what one likes or wants, they can become that to join the club. What if I do not like what the clubs offer from inside but find them interesting from outside? What if I do not even want to know anymore clubs because they are all the same for me? What if nothing impresses me any more? I knew this in 2018? Why am I taking such a long route for what I already know? 

Drama

I sway and I struggle between 2 opposites - I know what is right yet I end up as a bundle of nerves. I do see it all as a 3rd person and frankly I am a little tired of my own drama that I create. At least I know it’s my own drama :-) 

Freedom

Create space or rather free up your headspace for creativity. Everything else is just a waste of time! Freedom is above all. 

The Buddha

The world has become desensitized - every form of pain, sorrow and suffering has been normalized. How can the insensitive even understand this?

Insensitive

I have not been able to process of insensitivity meted out to a person I knew by his own "people" to date. I saw people turn; fans and followers change - to an extent that it gave a spotlight to the loneliness. 

Sensitive people are collecting enough data about the world and then they tend to crash. I say, be sensitive and develop a thick skin. Do not forget - so that you can ignore completely. 

Leveled-up

This year, we leveled up in life. While we had a lot of fun, the time after has a lot of work to do.

 Honor your deepest passion. The answers lie there. 

I had figured it out on the 4th day. Or was it 3rd? Then why am I struggling to find it again? I recall clearly that it distilled down to that nothing, and I mean nothing can make us happy in this universe. The most fulfilled we will ever feel is when we serve others and when we can make them smile. And 'them' are not defined. It came to me and yet here I am. 

Healing of a generation

Just by being ourselves, our true and authentic selves we can show others how it is done. Some times it takes to see it up close to figure it out.