Senses

This world contains filth, sadness, pain and exploitation as much as it contains the opposites. We crave the opposites but hate the filth. We cannot stand the brutalities and those facts / stories haunt us. We try to forget and behave as if those things do not exist. But they do. It is after all the other side of the coin. Its the absence of something that makes something else so valuable. Hence has to be treated with equanimity because it is as precious or not. 

Also, it is a mind game. We are all diseased and plagued by our minds - so we get what we think we deserve at the moment. If we cannot imagine or believe something better, we won't be able to overcome what is. But for that first, we need to know what even is the current state. Are we even able to objectively see our current states? Does that not get colored by our conditioning? So what is real then? Is it what we feel or is it what we think that we are feeling?

The world is experienced through 5 senses - sight, smell, taste, hearing and feeling - that is real. Not what the conditioning explains those senses are sensing. Can we differentiate? I am sitting on the couch and that is real. Everything else about that state will be a story that I will tell myself or others.  

Authentic

I have always sought authenticity in relationships. I am a private person and I need to be comfortable with people around me. And I appreciate people who learn and grow.

Somehow authenticity is negotiable in the world though - I was surprised to know that many women I know know that they have hit the block and they have learnt to be in that. For many an authentic relationship is not a priority if they have everything else, though they would like to have it. But since no one else has it, it is a unicorn, a myth that doesn't exist. I somehow start suffocating if the relationship is not authentic and everything else is available. This has been my pattern throughout. It has got me into great trouble. But it has given me immense joy - they were short-lived but they have always been moments of pure joy. I have been at peace in those moments, days and years.

Though I have learnt that with age, that at sometime we have to accept ourselves and others equally to rediscover that joy. Of course it needs to be reciprocated otherwise it still is a one sided relationship. Everyone has a different process to feel fulfilled. My process it convoluted for many. And I cannot live like them. And that is fine. 

1914 vs 2020

We are witnessing our own version of 'The Guns of August'. I had read it in 2009 and reading it I was surprised about how foolishly that war was started, managed and led by the leaders. It was news to me that world leadership was so flawed - all at the same time and it led to massive loss of human lives.

And lo behold! Here we are in 2020 and current world leadership looks no different. US, UK, Brazil, Russia, China, Japan, Italy, France, India and the rest. Personal egos, competitions, greed, power and stupidity is at play. Long term propaganda against facts all over the world is coming home to roost. Most of the prominent governments are Right Wing and majority of the citizens are somehow enamored by these leaders. They can follow their leaders to their death. It is unbelievable how fanatic everyone is about their ideas, religions, beliefs in the face of a quickly spreading pandemic.

So the generation in 2020 is in no way more sensible than the generation in 1914. We are stupider because we have not learnt from the past. We don't study history as seriously, we ignore the patterns, we do not care.

If there was just one thing we need to learn from all of this is that humanity is fragile and 'doing the right thing' never goes out of fashion. 

Lackluster

I was feeling lackluster today, whole day - in flux, in turmoil. I figured out the best and worst case scenarios and visualized each of them in isolation. I tried looking at the bright side of them but ended up being equally irritated with each of them. Each path required me to introspect and give up something for the other. I vocalized how I felt and it is always a good to talk my heart to this inseparable part of me. 

Soul Food

We've heard about it or read about it or seen it depicted on silver screen but very few of us have experienced it - the form of companionship that transcends space, time and lifetimes. It is when we are ourselves and are accepted, no compromises or adjustments. It is like you are half a puzzle and then you find the other half of the puzzle which puts the puzzle in perspective and makes it complete at the same time.

It is felt in the depth of the soul for that is where this friendship resides. It is never in a hurry and yet it arrives just in time. It does not feel overbearing and never drives an agenda. It understands in a statement or less. It is so simple that it borders imaginary yet the complexity is mind-boggling. It radiates positivity. It cannot exist in filth or intentions of another kind. 

It does exist. 

It does exist

But to achieve that, one needs to be a worthy recipient. 

February!

The month of February is magical. It's short, sweet and full of love. And it happens to contain my birthday! For a couple of years now, my birthday celebrations start on 1st Feb and continue very much till 3rd Feb. I am getting used to so much hoopla around these days..I love all the attention these days get..and this pretty much continues till mid Feb with birthdays of other family members and valentine's day.

Birthdays are always fun! This year was so much fun too! 

Bandersnatch

Bandersnatch, that crazy original from Netflix that I did not want to watch because the minute I understood the concept I knew it's going to be painful going through the flows. And twitter is extra helpful in such situations. I practically did not have to move through 1-2 flows, 2 choices down each one of them to know where was this going. Anyhow, I discussed the concept in great detail with my BFF and the co-relation to life was apparent.

Concept of choice both at macro/micro level can be understood. Micro-level choices depend on action in that moment, based on all the information available till that point. Macro-level choices are made already by the script and memory can help us avoid the choices we deem poor or unwise. But really that cannot be understood till a choice is made and that knowledge can only serve us in the hindsight. One should have patience to go through every flow to get to every ending to say that they have watched Bandersnatch completely. That's when the TV/device can be switched off.

Oh and then did I get blown away by @aoc's debates on AI, not because she said something unique because the hoopla around it made me focus on a hypothesis which was hiding in the plain sight for me. Who else do we know, who learns from their experience to produce a perspective/result?

I wonder

Truth at the right time can deliver.

An alignment in thoughts, actions, words can deliver.

We think we are helping someone by not speaking out.

At least it would not make one wonder about what was really true.

What felt true was is really true? What felt false was is really false?

In the hindsight nothing matters.

#Destined

Ever know of something that seems superficial and fun to the mind? But it changes right in-front of your eyes as if layers of it are being peeled. And it turns out to be logical, ethical, sensible and circumstantial. And in pain. You are drawn to it intuitively with no possible explanation that can summarize the situation. May be the fact that you can see it clearly as if it is written in plain English at times and then not fathom it all because few words are not in English. It is scary and simple at the same time. It reflects your deepest dilemmas and purest ideals.

Acceptance can be the only form of explanation at this time. But so many things cannot be coming together randomly. There has to be a reason. And I do not want to take the simplest reason available because it is not true completely. Our connection matters.

I am in love with the future of this story: not the past. And present is debatable. But definitely the future - I can somehow see this transformation in front of my eyes. And since I can see it so clearly, I cannot turn away till I see the end of this.

#NotInMyControl #IsThisReal #DramaUnlikeOtherDramas
#AConnectionOfSorts #Unconditional #ForLife 

Nasadiya Suktam – na asat – Not the Non-Existant

नासदासीन्नो सदासीत्तदानीं नासीद्रजो नो व्योमा परो यत् ।
किमावरीवः कुह कस्य शर्मन्नम्भः किमासीद्गहनं गभीरम् ॥ १॥

The Grand Question of creation of universe is asked in the hymn of creation in Rig Veda (129th Hymn of 10th Mandala). The interesting bit about this sukta is that it is still unanswered today. Human race is still struggling with the question of how was the universe created and is maintained. Isn’t it interesting that Rig Veda calls out this problem statement so back in time? This kind of problem statement shows the complexity and thought processing of the people of those times. This is scientific and philosophical enough – much above the survival mode of human race.

Nasadiya Sukta in Hindi {Starting track of Bharat Ek Khoj}
सृष्टि से पहले सत नहीं था,
असत भी नहीं अंतरिक्ष भी नहीं,
आकाश भी नहीं था छिपा था क्या कहाँ,
किसने ढका था उस पल तो अगम,
अटल जल भी कहाँ था?
सृष्टि का कौन है कर्ता,
कर्ता है वा अकर्ता ऊंचे आकाश में रहता,
सता अदृश्य बना रहता वही सचमुच में जानता,
या नहीं भी जानता हैं किसी को नहीं पता नहीं है पता

Prince Pradeep

Prince Pradeep

Triple Crown

Pedigree 

HighPoint

It all started with one man...

A story lost in time.

What happens to a heritage it's descendants do not want to be associated with. Yet sometime they can be found speaking of in hushed tones or bragging tones. Yet, no one wants to pursue it or claim it or be it or even elaborate on it.

The only way to end the memory of a painful time is to completely behave as if it never happened. It protects the coming generations. Choices are made to stay away, cut the connections, create new places, memories & stories.

The generation that faced the consequence will go one by one, taking the stories with them. Stories that are very intriguing, about places that are still there, about people who are still around - some of them known from far, very famous ones. Don't we all with time, reminisce more about our days gone by, yet this lot cannot speak of it without an associated sadness. Sometimes they speak about happier times with such joy and such clarity that we know that they have it all bottled up but they do not want the shadow of the past fall on progenies.

As an outsider, to me this seems fascinating, sad and courageous all at the same time. But only time will grant peace to the one connection that was completely shaped by the sequence of events.  

Moment

The timing was always off but they were being primed for a moment in future. They cannot say what will it be or how it will be but that moment is asking them to grow up accordingly. What if they both started at different points and leveled out in their journeys, only to meet in that moment.

Or not.

Only time will tell.

Connect

A connection of sorts,
soul stirring, yet balanced
tells to hang in there
A god-gifted sign

So how can we give the future generation, the life that we did not have?

Small Towns and Big Cities

Small towns are their own kind of judge. They look sleepy, laid back and peaceful but there is a distinct sense of cruelty that is at play - especially for people who are different. Just plain different. Difference could be in the form of non-conformation to general "expected" behavior to an actual exception to what is can be considered as a misfortune. These towns have their own way of questioning the non-conformists, of putting spotlight on people who would rather be left alone, of expecting these folks to change one day to conform.

Big cities seem impersonal, in a hurry and harsh. Yet they are kind. They let people be. They let non-conformists feel safe, at home, at peace. They shift the spotlight to opportunities that can let the non-conformists grow and explore, at their own pace, like an old friend who understands and gives space and waits, without judging.

And I remember...

He hugged him and turned towards her. His concern was visible in his movement. His touch communicated more than his words could ever have. His voice betrayed his worry. Yet, his words were appropriate for the occasion. Very casual and normal under the circumstances. He waited for them to board the train. And waited long after the train left.

Hills and Beyond

There is this side of me that is totally fascinated by living and traveling in a certain way. It is the side that wishes for a small cottage in the foothills of a mountain or a remote corner of a lesser known hill. A place where I can read and write and spend my days away from civilization as I know it - for days.

To search and to discover

Things that are profound

Right in front of everyone 

Yet hidden for long...

Innocence

Remembering the times that were innocent in every aspect. 

No complications, just heartfelt actions. No fear. Just courage.
The world turns one into a very careful pessimist. 

And suddenly things that were easy to do, become the most complicated things ever.

Words change their meaning. Simplest of them.

People change. Closest of them.

And then we love everything that reminds us of that pristine, pure days of Innocence. 

Days that can never come back.