Normality

"We have normality. I repeat, we have normality. Anything you still can't cope with is therefore your own problem.”

— Douglas Adams

1.39

When we do not have something in our life, we are fine. It is after we have it, things change in us and it changes us. How to not be changed like that? How to be as before?

In absence of a vice, "happiness" does not exist in this world. 

17.15

17.15 was humbling but it was all orchestrated for me. 

Tadpadam darshitam yena tasmai shree guruve namah!

2.16

नासतो विद्यते भावो नाभावो विद्यते सत: |
उभयोरपि दृष्टोऽन्तस्त्वनयोस्तत्त्वदर्शिभि: || 16||

It’s these sudden coincidences that amaze me. I mean, how else can I explain how did I join the live? It was insightful and explained something so easily to me! What is a feeling in an eternity? Relativity and reality - I needed this reminder today. 

Let the kshetra show itself to you. This is a suggestion that came to me, and I do not even recall now who said it, but it made sense. I want to do that. 

The struggle is at the basic level. I keep slipping back and it takes all the effort to get back. But there is peace in that trying. 

"Diving deep has peace and when you come back to surface, there may be a jewel or two that can be shared." I was impressed by these words - I am paraphrasing of course. 

US Elections

5th November - US elections mirrored Indian elections - same reasons (different players / factors), same rhetorics and same outcome. I did feel a bit lost since I was not plugged in as before in politics recently. But I made up for it and I realized that I need to pay minimum attention to what is going around. 

While the elections will have a lasting impact at home and abroad, the call out to unite and get everyone on one side sounds familiar to Indian elections again. Maybe it will not be as bad - may be the team will try to manage. But for sure, the billionaires were happy with the outcome. How is it that Indian and American politics are following the same playbook? What is going on? Can someone else see it? 

He who died

I was always angry and hurt at how he was treated by everyone around him. They were jealous of him and they wanted him to 1) to be exclusively theirs 2) listen to them 3) entertain them 4) be with them.

But they were inferior to him. So how could he listen to them or be with them? He could entertain them but that was mostly when he was bored or wanted to have fun at their expense. 

So they pulled him down. They found issues. They spread stories. They gasped and gossiped. They made him something not worth having. They felt better after that. Since they were all in it, they felt it was alright. They felt justified. 

They killed the only person who could’ve uplifted them. 

They deserved each other and every one else that was in it.  The cruelty was something. And they all claimed they loved him - only he was not up to that love. 

And he did what he had to - he tried to cope the way he knew. He was a child who lacked guidance. He was a beautiful toy given to brutes. He was destroyed and not understood. 

He was dead and finally he was at peace. 

I had written this blog post some time back - http://bluejays-mockingbirds.blogspot.com/2023/10/why-do-we-have-to-remember.html

I got the answer today - it was in plain sight. It was confirmed by P - I had also thought of it but did not think more on it. 

The desire to play with the toy that was created - our own desire - started the game. The first game could have been so interesting that it led to attachments and recurring desires to play. This was the reason! 

That is why we have to remember! The play is just a play - it’s not “life” or original state.  

Urgency?

Why is there this urgency to push my boundaries? What is this unsettling feeling I get from time to time? Am I wasting time? Or am I being prepared? No clue.  

Tom Bold

This guy turned 82 on 8th September - couple of strokes and heart issues cannot stop this person. He has given me the memorable group tours since 25th Mar 2023 - five of them to be exact but looking back it feels like I've been on so many with them! The experience was so rich for me personally that I've said this multiple times, I want to be like him at that age. He says his secret is being outdoors - his remedy for body and soul. Frankly speaking it has worked wonders for me as well so I do agree with his philosophy. I want to more and more of that but he is a good guide. Where can I find someone like him? 

A dread falls upon me when they say I need to "settle" or "go back" or "confirm". Why is that? It's coz I have been the best outside of the system. I operate the best when I am not conventionally held up in that system. It makes me feel suffocated. It's like a well meaning, mundane, prison-like state. I have always liked myself when I am not confirming. My brain works better, my insight works better and it is like I upgrade at a faster speed. 

I do not want to confirm. 

It's an interesting feeling - with all that conditioning, all those years of learning I feel so suffocated when I follow the rules. Everyone seems to be happy following it. So when a friend yesterday described the set way of doing something I had mentioned to her, I felt anxious. A very unsettling feeling dawned on me. I was probing it today morning and I know the reason now. I hate doing it the way it is traditionally done. Why can't we be more creative and out of the box with it? Why does it have to be what every one does? There are no rules. Who set them up?

#therearenorules

In love with me

At this late hour, lying here the intensity with which I miss myself, my own self, my essence - is painful. How I wish I had known how much I'd be in love with being myself. And a lifetime is less too.

Permanent

Have been reading stuff - bits and pieces from here and there, so I am forgetting the exact refernce but the essense is as below: There are these two types of experiences - good and pleasant. Good gives us bliss and pleasant gives us instant gratifaction, satisfaction or pleasure. We term end results of both these experiences as "happiness" - the only difference is that bliss is permanent in nature and pleasure is short lived. So seek the permanent.

कह हनुमंत बिपति प्रभु सोई। जब तव सुमिरन भजन न होई॥

Things to remember.

In the middle of it all…

Do not forget…

Push and pull continues - so that you can be stable…

Do you want to burn it all quickly? Then say it forever.. 

Make a project of sorts…people who won’t get it…

The minute you forget, this will happen - so never forget… you have been put here for a reason and that reason is not like others. 

It’s imperative for us to review this one book together. If I can teach and learn this one thing together with them, that’d be so fine! 

Young people these days are career-oriented, focused on getting settled in the world - so by the time they are in their 30s, they have dated but not married. They are successful in every way but they do not have a partner. I hear that they are extremely unhappy. Are they really unhappy or are they just experiencing FOMO? Are the truly miserable or their lack of not having a partner is causing an unseen discrimination, bias and insecurity in them? Will such people be less miserable if society does not put so much weightage on marriage? Saying that people have a lot of options today is wrong - men always had options even before - they could approach families for marriage and reject girls till they found what they wanted. 

The problem is that women have options now and the rate a which they are rejecting men was not possible before. This is resulting in them also being single for longer - which was avoided by early marriages / arranged marriages and such. They'd discover the flaws of the partner AFTER they had committed and no one was allowed to leave. Even if they wanted to leave, they had less to no choice.

So the pain associated with marriage was always there, its just that it is becoming more transparent and hence the so called "confusion" and "noise". How come a structure that was historically working is not working anymore? The hush-hush corruption in the system kept it going. You see no one was talking about it. 

The amount of pressure people put on themselves in finding a partner is insane. Having lived all these years and experienced many aspects of the same, I can vouch safely that it is just another path not just THE path as society makes it seem. The number of people who think they can never be happy because they do not have a partner is insane! And they do not consider companionship that comes from other sources to even fill that gap. And I do understand the need to have that one person that "gets" you, but it is impossible for another person to "get" you because they are not you! That leaves companionship limited to have someone around so that one is not lonely emotionally or physically. From an emotional point of view as long as someone is around to share and care (respect, love etc.) even if they are not a partner, does that not count? From a physical point of view, there are two aspects - sexual and purely having a body around so that one is not scared or lonely as one goes about one's life. Out of these two, sexual companionship is the need that can met only by a partner. 

So are we as a society, equating marriage to sex mainly and everything else mentioned above will come along with it? What if some other things mentioned above are missing? Should someone marry under pressure? When the marriage status is equated with the happiness and overall value of a person - is that not scary? Everyone starts discriminating people on the basis of marital status? 

If the pressure of marriage is removed, won't people be a lot more happier? May be then, they can peacefully focus on themselves instead of focusing on finding a suitable partner. All that extra energy will go in something more meaningful in my opinion. 

Shakti

She sees your beauty, your woundedness, your doubts, your fears, your karmic blocks, the ways you’ve hurt others. She sees your mistakes, your longings, and your innate goodness. She sees everything that’s apparent and everything hidden. She sees you; she adores you; she holds you. She is fierce wisdom incarnate, the liberating force of grace. She is freedom itself. 

Summary

https://www.instagram.com/reel/C69Ent3K9CG/?igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

Being and Becoming

Being = Shiva 

Becoming = Shakti 

Both coexist and both should be balanced. Both go hand in hand as we observe. We change as we observe but what is observed is the current state. 

Learning

त्वदीयं वस्तु गोविन्द तुभ्यमेव समर्पये।
गृहाण सम्मुखो भूत्वा प्रसीद परमेश्वर।।

All goodness comes from you; all misfortunes are signs for me. 

A Wednesday

A random Wednesday that ended at noon - no meetings or calls. Running off 1.5hrs away to Cataract Falls trail has been one of the major highlights in April. San Anselmo, Mt Tam, Mission San Rafael and Point Richmond were gorgeous! 

24th March

Bhavābdhāvapāre mahāduḥkhabhīru
Papāta prakāmī pralobhī pramattaḥ|
Kusam'sārapāśaprabaddhaḥ sadāham'
Gatistvam' gatistvam' tvamekā bhavāni

The answer lies in action and it lies in fixing self. Everyone. I have experienced it twice now. 

March

February went by in a daze. Dinner at Elia, Sundarkand at home, Photoshoot for Akbar Birbal, Visit from an old friend, MJ, Birthday celebrations with girls and local hikes. Highlight was science fair. Anika came 2nd at her school. 

March started with sleepover at a friend's, Shivratri, Devil's Gulch hike, Science Fair - 4th in Alameda county level. Bit of a downer with viral fever, oh well. 

Stability and center has to be found once more. 

Seattle, Angel Island, Fremont Kali Bari, 22nd Jan celebrations (Ayodhya), Kids night out at The Wave, Akbar Birbal photography and sleep over at Aarna's. Jan was fun!

Feb2024

Absolutely shocked, though not at all surprised that I have not done a blog entry in 2024. Even in 2023, towards the end, the posts were limited to 1 per month. Last year, I skipped entire February - this year, January. 

On Groundhog Day, I write my first post of 2024. Since Sep 2023, there has been lesser need to write. Writing for me was discovering something about me but now I get that fix else where. I would lie if I said I do not miss writing but there is so much to write that I'd rather not. 

January 2024 was happening - we were in Seattle for a week. And then remaining 3 weeks went adjusting to school, routine, activities and homework. Oh btw, that Punxsutawney Phil predicted an early sprint this time. February is upon us. Every month something to look forward to! I like to live in immediate small futures - not too far ahead and not too close. I know February and March somewhat, though not completely.