At work

His demeanor was polite and reserved. He seemed disinterested in his immediate surrounding, barely able to conceal his impatience with things, people and process. Yet his reactions to everything was polite and distant, not rude and people seemed interested in him. He would be the first to arrive at work and one of the last ones to leave. His boss appreciated his dedication towards his work and trusted him with providing excellent service to his customers. Jim would sit on his desk, with his head bent over the files as he calculated the daily transactions of business and totaled them before providing the final copy to his manager.

His external appearance did not betray the noise that consumed his person. His agony was only for him to experience, like every overwhelming feeling in his life. Everyone around him assumed that he was fine. 

The beginning

Jim was the third child, born to his parents in the cold month of January. Elder brother John and elder sister Joan were five and three years old at the time of his birth. It was a grim morning with no sun in sight and the midwife grumbled as she prepared for birth. She had been paid very little as advance and she did not expect full payment to happen any time soon. She would have to wait, like last time but she trusted the Langston family to pay up sooner or later. It was a cold day to begin with and she had not even had her coffee till now. Henry Langston tried to make up for everything by fixing her a cup of coffee as he waited for the birth. He threw nervous glances at Laura, his wife and mother of his children, as she went through labor. The kids had been sent to the neighbors' house, where they slept in blissful ignorance.

The previous year had been very rough for the Langston family, with Henry losing his permanent position at the quarry. He was able to meet the needs of his family by taking any temporary work that was available at the quarry and working at night in the dock. It went on for sometime, till his position at the dock became permanent and the family took a sigh of relief. Laura Langston had been a good wife and mother who dutifully ran the household and prayed fervently throughout. By Christmas, Langston family had moved to a neighborhood closer to the docks, though not far from the town.

This new house would be home as Jim would know it for a long time. 

As Jim stopped to think, memory provided some images. The road to their house was second from right as one approached the route to the dock. It turned into a quite corner and ended in a group of trees. His house was right there - an old, wooden structure with rust color paint, peeled at places to make a peculiar pattern. Memory played games - it was brighter and bigger in his thoughts. It must have been a sad, small place. But to him, it was home - warm and comforting to his bones.

Summer Play

As he stopped to think, memory provided some places and people as company. The road was second from right. It turned into a quite corner and ended in a group of trees. His house was right there - an old, wooden structure with rust color paint, peeled at places to make a peculiar pattern. Memory plays games -  it was brighter and bigger in his thoughts. It must have been a sad, small place. But to him, it was home - warm and comforting to his bones.

He could even see to this day, his sister Alice holding the wooden post that held their little patio up, waiting for him to come home. Those days he was working as an apprentice at the local lumber shop. Earlier that summer, his dad had made him join it, to make him earn some extra bucks for the house. He did not particularly love the job. The problem was he did not hate it enough. So he was chugging along, thinking of it as a temporary summer job. Somewhere he knew, this was not his future, yet he had no clue of an alternative that he could live for. But his parents thought otherwise.

At the Prospect

"Head for the door", someone screamed and a mad rush overcame the group. They forgot the camaraderie that had been almost forced upon them by the flagrant situation and ran for their lives. 

Jim chuckled. He had counted on this reaction. "Fools!" he muttered and headed towards the back of the room. He was never in the favor of having a troop so divided - in spirit. If it was upto him, he would have handpicked the able bodied men from his old settlement and worked out a plan. But High Command had insisted that they needed numbers rather than head-strong men at this crucial hour. 

He leaned against the wall and slowly reviewed the now empty room. His expression was saddened. He wanted to move but he was dejected. He knew this was coming all along and somehow it did not matter any more. He drew a cigar from his left pocket of his warm coat and scrummaged for the lighter in his right one. He had some time to savor this last bit of luxury and he was thoughtful as he drew his first drag. 

He could hear the cries that filled the streets and they brought him back from his reverie. He moved briskly to extinguish the only lamp to his right. The room was draped in darkness. It could be a matter of minutes. They would come in and take him away. He could run out and expose himself to danger or stay in here and take a chance. He settled for the latter. 

As he waited, his mind filled with the most trivial of affairs, he thought of why he had never learnt to dance. He knew he could not do that to save his life. He wished he had died last winter when he caught that bad case of influenza. That would have better than being arrested, now wouldn't it? May be they won't kill him after all. May be they will not even consider him to be important enough. He pondered laboriously as to why he should not die - he could not recall a clear reason to live. He had seen it all, done it all and forgotten none of it. But somehow living seemed harmless compared to being dead in sometime. What if he can kill himself now? He was not strong enough to do that - he smiled wryly. His state of mind seemed very casual as he slowly turned each thought around in his head and this seemed to please him greatly. 

Death could only be the one thing he had not experienced and he might as well present himself to this latest opportunity. So he took long puffs and settled on a chair in the corner, as he waited and soon got lost in his thoughts.