Ramana Maharshi used the analogy of a spider to explain how the mind creates the perceived world. "Similar to a spider spinning a web from within itself and withdrawing it back, the mind projects the world out of its own essence and absorbs it back, illustrating that the world is an insubstantial, internal projection of the mind."

In my experience this is true. When the frequency rises, this world as we know ceases to exist - completely. Everything, every person, every circumstances, relations - nothing exists in that moment. It happens so quickly and it feels like a dream that never existed. Should there be a slight tinge of sadness for this? Should there be some lamenting for those people and those relations? 

Is this comparable to death? When the next spawning happens, it is in a new stage with new characters and new circumstances. I now understand why people can feel sadness for the world that is being left behind. All these days, I was viewing it from one angle but flipping it from this side, it does look a bit sad. 

THIS sadness. 

Moving up the frequencies and leveling up to a different plane - how is it different or similar to death? Claude says they are more similar than different but death happens to you; while one walks into samadhi consciously. In genuine spiritual traditions, that higher frequency which is experienced, is brought to the current plane. That answers something for me. But this post has a lot to chew. 

CHEW.

Let it Go.

There are days and I am in one of those days - when my Capricorn takes the backseat, my Leo does not want to lead and that whole concept of letting go, going with the flow, losing control takes over - and it is not pretty. 

I REALLY LET GO. 

I have not yet learnt that balance. The fact that I should even try letting go is a relatively new concept so I do not know how to balance obviously. I go from one end to another and chaos hits. It does not impact my functionality but it messes my mind. External structure has always guided me and if I myself "let that go", I am in shambles. 

Hikes since Mar 2023 #tombold

• Devil's Gulch
• Saw Mill, Bat Tree Forest, Art walk (metallic)
• Point Blue Palomarin Field Station, Creek trail, High cliff trails with Eucalyptus trees. 
• Salmon Spawning near Devil's Gulch (bridge), Mountain trail to waterfalls at Devil's Gulch, Canal Creek trail
• Bodega Bay caves, Doran Beach, Bodega Bay shoreline cliff views
• Met at Sonoma's Best B&B Wine Deli and Frank Bartholomew Mansion and Buena Vista Winery
• The Inks Well at San Geronimo Creek, Kent lake dame area for Salmon viewing, Roy Redwoods
• Dillon Beach mystery rocks, Wildflower Bread company, Duncan's Mills tea shop and Jilly's Real food restaurant
• Tomales Bay hidden beaches and trails, Point Reyes for Elks, Cypress Tree Tunnel
• Shell Beach at Bodega Bay (south of goat rock entrance), Caves and beach along with Rock climbing
• Duxbury Reef 
• Doran Beach & Estero Americano

Summer and Fall.

Ah, I have not been here for a while. 

Hawaii was excellent and I did go to India in July though! Rebooked as FOMO took over and kids had an absolute blast. Ayodhya, Varanasi, Ranchi and Bangalore. 

August took me to Monterey and MOMA, September-October took me on 3 hikes with Tom. There was Durga Puja pankti bhoj at home and of course classes at Goshala. 

I think I am happy to stay at home and be an indoor cat. 

Oct has some official paper work lined up along with Halloween outing with Miko. Nov starts with Dia de los Muertos outing - my first and I am excited! Dec has Kerala and Cancun lined up. 

Summer

Summer 2025 started officially. Hanuman Maui awaits and so does Island fun. India trip FOMO and we are back! Let’s see how June and July treat us. 

Oh and we will be handling June summer camp as well.. 

Graduation

4th June. A big milestone. A realization. A new chapter. A new reconciliation. All for good. 

I did journal a little more than I blogged this past couple of months. This month's highlight was 1st place in Science Fair; cancellation of India trip; upcoming trip to Hawaii and retreat. I am also going to Laguna Beach this coming weekend. Oh, kids joined me on a Indie Tom Hike. 

There is a sensation that comes back. It is a reaction to unfairness, to broken dreams, to not being seen. Unfortunately no one can ever fix that. It leaves a bitter, cold taste but adds strength and resolve to proceed without any regrets. It solidifies a cold demeanor further reminding us that warmth should always be saved for self. Neither missing the warm self, nor being fond of the cold self - it’s just a state maybe. Observing and letting it be. The sensations that wash over with the rare reminder are real. 

3rd Feb

44.

Past 2 months have had experiences go all over the place. I visited Braj bhoomi in December. I was able to be in the same room with someone I admire a lot. December also saw 2 camping trips - both turned out better than expected. https://www.cavesprings.com/ is highly recommended or rather the town of Dunsmuir is fun!

Jan was overwhelming. US politics, Mahakumbh, prices of eggs, Nvidia and Deepseek. But it also saw start of my teaching journey - let's where the universe is taking me with this. I was busy this month with work, home and projects. 

But I cannot shake this undertone of something being amiss. Why?

Normality

"We have normality. I repeat, we have normality. Anything you still can't cope with is therefore your own problem.”

— Douglas Adams

He who died

I was always angry and hurt at how he was treated by everyone around him. They were jealous of him and they wanted him to 1) to be exclusively theirs 2) listen to them 3) entertain them 4) be with them.

But they were inferior to him. So how could he listen to them or be with them? He could entertain them but that was mostly when he was bored or wanted to have fun at their expense. 

So they pulled him down. They found issues. They spread stories. They gasped and gossiped. They made him something not worth having. They felt better after that. Since they were all in it, they felt it was alright. They felt justified. 

They killed the only person who could’ve uplifted them. 

They deserved each other and every one else that was in it.  The cruelty was something. And they all claimed they loved him - only he was not up to that love. 

And he did what he had to - he tried to cope the way he knew. He was a child who lacked guidance. He was a beautiful toy given to brutes. He was destroyed and not understood. 

He was dead and finally he was at peace. 

Urgency?

Why is there this urgency to push my boundaries? What is this unsettling feeling I get from time to time? Am I wasting time? Or am I being prepared? No clue.  

Young people these days are career-oriented, focused on getting settled in the world - so by the time they are in their 30s, they have dated but not married. They are successful in every way but they do not have a partner. I hear that they are extremely unhappy. Are they really unhappy or are they just experiencing FOMO? Are the truly miserable or their lack of not having a partner is causing an unseen discrimination, bias and insecurity in them? Will such people be less miserable if society does not put so much weightage on marriage? Saying that people have a lot of options today is wrong - men always had options even before - they could approach families for marriage and reject girls till they found what they wanted. 

The problem is that women have options now and the rate a which they are rejecting men was not possible before. This is resulting in them also being single for longer - which was avoided by early marriages / arranged marriages and such. They'd discover the flaws of the partner AFTER they had committed and no one was allowed to leave. Even if they wanted to leave, they had less to no choice.

So the pain associated with marriage was always there, its just that it is becoming more transparent and hence the so called "confusion" and "noise". How come a structure that was historically working is not working anymore? The hush-hush corruption in the system kept it going. You see no one was talking about it. 

Being and Becoming

Being = Shiva 

Becoming = Shakti 

Both coexist and both should be balanced. Both go hand in hand as we observe. We change as we observe but what is observed is the current state. 

Learning

त्वदीयं वस्तु गोविन्द तुभ्यमेव समर्पये।
गृहाण सम्मुखो भूत्वा प्रसीद परमेश्वर।।

All goodness comes from you; all misfortunes are signs for me. 

March

February went by in a daze. Dinner at Elia, Sundarkand at home, Photoshoot for Akbar Birbal, Visit from an old friend, MJ, Birthday celebrations with girls and local hikes. Highlight was science fair. Anika came 2nd at her school. 

March started with sleepover at a friend's, Shivratri, Devil's Gulch hike, Science Fair - 4th in Alameda county level. Bit of a downer with viral fever, oh well. 

Stability and center has to be found once more. 

Seattle, Angel Island, Fremont Kali Bari, 22nd Jan celebrations (Ayodhya), Kids night out at The Wave, Akbar Birbal photography and sleep over at Aarna's. Jan was fun!

Feb2024

Absolutely shocked, though not at all surprised that I have not done a blog entry in 2024. Even in 2023, towards the end, the posts were limited to 1 per month. Last year, I skipped entire February - this year, January. 

On Groundhog Day, I write my first post of 2024. Since Sep 2023, there has been lesser need to write. Writing for me was discovering something about me but now I get that fix else where. I would lie if I said I do not miss writing but there is so much to write that I'd rather not. 

January 2024 was happening - we were in Seattle for a week. And then remaining 3 weeks went adjusting to school, routine, activities and homework. Oh btw, that Punxsutawney Phil predicted an early sprint this time. February is upon us. Every month something to look forward to! I like to live in immediate small futures - not too far ahead and not too close. I know February and March somewhat, though not completely. 

Pain

1. Trust the process

2. It is by design - imagine a conveyer belt

3. Sit through the process and pain - moving will disrupt the process and pain will shift elsewhere. It may look that the pain has been relived but it will settle elsewhere and the whole process will start again. It’s painful every way.

4. The pain will becoming soothing after a bit - it’s a sinusoidal wave - it does become better if we have the patience to follow the process by all design principles.

5. Pain is a teacher. 

6. Pain helps to focus and get attention.

7. Pain is more helpful overall.

8. It diminishes ego. 

9. In the absence of ego the true process can start. 

10. The process is designed to move from gross to subtle sensations.

11. We want the subtle sensations since they are at higher frequencies.

12. Higher frequencies tend to zero. 

13. At some point the bliss starts taking over such that the sensations don’t matter as much and hence right action can be performed. 

14. The bliss keeps you preoccupied and is a happy state of its own - only because it’s like a high and the mind can come up with out of the box ideas. 

15. Shifting the focus changes the state of being. 

16. We become all powerful and come closer to the essence 

I had noticed this one person on reels on Instagram - past 2 weeks. On Thursday evening 7th Sep, I got curious to know who this person was.. the name was not mentioned anywhere. On 8th morning, got to know his name for the first time - took me some time to find it. His looks, his face, his pronunciation etc. was not that attractive, as his tone was - the concern was visible and that kind of attracted me to even find out who he was. Well, I watched his daily videos starting 7th Sep 2023 and it has been fun so far. 

He makes me want to make few changes.